Nobody Dies:  The Ayanami Sisters Fight Crime
by Gregg Landsman
Summary: It was a natural progression.  Once the Ree became stable, they naturally had to use their superhuman abilities and perfectly acceptable sociopathy to make the world a better place, right?  Right?  Yes, this can only end fantastically.


The committee that writes Nobody Dies had the idea that we need to do side stories to flesh out certain characters. I agreed, as I am the primary writer. Or whatever. And also because, quite frankly, this ideas deserves more than a paragraph every third chapter.

* * *

**NEON GENESIS EVANGELION:**

**NOBODY DIES:**

**THE AYANAMI SISTERS FIGHT CRIME**

* * *

"So, let's recap."

"Or is it _Ree_cap?"

The five girls stare at the other girl, all identical to each other with short blue hair and red eyes, pale skin, and an aura of happy menace that orbits them like electrons around a nucleus, satellites around a planet, or purple prose around a vampire novel.

"No, _Siyon,_ it's a Recap. We don't need to put a Ree in front of everything, you know."

Zyuu Ayanami sighs, taking out a clicker remote from the buxom of her french maid outfit and clicking on the screen behind her. The 60" screen, mounted to one of the spare MAGI cores kept in the basement of NERV-1, also known as Sheol due to its geographic location and due to the fact that if you're stuck there, you're pretty much in what many would refer to as Hell, lights up.

A woman appears on the screen. She looks similar to the assembled girls, with brown hair and blue eyes, dressed in a sweater and a labcoat.

"This is our Little Mommy," Zyuu says, "Yui Ikari, PhD. She runs NERV. She helps destroy the Angels so, well, we don't die."

The screen changes, showing a massive white giant with the consistency of marshmallow, a seven eyed mask nailed to the face, and the body, cut in half, nailed to the massive red cross over a sea of LCL.

"This is our Big Mommy," Zyuu continues, "She's called Lilith, and she's a Progenitor-class entity which is responsible for the start of cellular life on this planet. She likes to hug things."

"And turn them into tang!"

"Kiko."

The screen changes again, to a young man their age, with dark brown hair and blue eyes, looking at the screen like a deer in headlights as the camera and camera holder emerged from a ventilation duct to take his picture.

"This is our Big Brother, Shinji. He pilots a giant robot with our sister and our sister's Bestest Best Friend. We were made to kill him and Little Mommy, but Little Mommy found us first and raised us."

Another image clicks on. This is of a young man with ash hair and golden red eyes, suspended upside down and staring in shock at the camera. He would beg for mercy, if not for the ball gag.

"This is our other sister's boyfriend, Kaworu. He's really smart and cultured, and all sorts of things fit in his eyes, which helps that he regenerates."

"Our sister spends a lot of time with him in other genres," the Ree with streaks of green in her blue hair adds, "She doesn't spend a lot of time with us, but we think she's be hippier with him than he is here."

"Iti, that's 'countries,' not 'genres,' and 'happier,' not 'hippier.'"

"Oh," Iti quietly adds, and steps back.

Zyuu clicks on the screen, clears her throat, and folds her hands in front of her.

"Any questions?"

Sitting in front of them on mats they put out, Nozomi Horaki raises her hand, the 10 year old girl clearing her throat as the rest of her class looks on in awe.

"Um...are we really supposed to hear this?"

Another child raises his hand.

"Yes?" Zyuu asks.

The boy clears his throat, looking from side to side before turning back to the girls.

"Why do you have two mommies?"

* * *

...

* * *

The former estate of Lorenz Kihl sits five miles from the main facility of NERV-Berlin, and is hence an easy hop between for one of the newer residents. The blue haired girl enters the gate of the facility, nodding to the guard. Normally they would ask for ID, but the fact of the matter is that it is very hard to copy the appearance of the girl. And if it was one of her sisters, they know better than to get in their way.

Kei Ayanami, youngest of the Ayanami Sisters, or the Ree as they are collectively known, tugs at her long black trench coat as she enters the domed building which serves as NERV-Berlin's central R&D housing. Her children are waiting, after all.

She enters the lobby, walking to the main entry lift and placing her overcoat in the rack next to it. Entering it, she closes her eyes as the disinfectant spray hisses out through the wall vents and the white light washes over the cabin before the lift descends. It is an efficient system, and is an excellent method of getting clean, after all.

The lift descends, the mesh screen showing the Cages, where the nine MP-series Evangelions, white and black lined with identical grinning faces, wait. All of them, piloted by her youngest creations, the AI girls labeled the Nine. Workers of NERV-Berlin are busy with maintenance, and she gives off a small wave as the lift speeds past, knowing that her children saw her.

The lift stops at the floor where her Grandfather's lab is located. She hears the voices coming from behind the glass sliding door, the argument already in progress. Reaching into the breast pocket of her blouse, she produces the ID card and swipes it, the doors opening to the wood paneled room, where the tables are already littered with reports and lollipop wrappers, and the two men are arguing from the other end of the room.

"I'm telling you, Victor, the S2 engine isn't workable in that scale!"

"Then we work up the scale! We have the machines to spare, Katsuhito! If we could use one of the Evangelions, that would solve the entire problem in less time!"

Katsuhito Ikari, on paper patriarch of her mother's family, is circling one of the tables. He isn't using his cane today, which is a good sign considering his age, but on the other hand his face is flushed red. His opponent is a man in his late thirties, maybe early forties. He is handsome, european, with high cheekbones and regal green eyes, his hair light brown and combed back, and a thin, almost imperceptible scar running down his right cheek.

"Am I interrupting something?" Kei asks.

The two turn. Katsuhito clears his throat, tugging at the collar of his sweater, as the other man pauses and folds his hands behind him, letting the overcoat his has draped over his business suit's shoulders fall over him like a cape.

"Kei," Katsuhito says, "This is Victor Von Gibels. You may have met him."

"SEELE 11," Kei says, "You live in eastern Europe."

"Observant," Von Gibels says, and straightens his tie, "Yes, Miss Ayanami. I have heard you have made yourself quite useful to NERV in Germany. The Nine performed admirably when the Mark-09 went rogue."

"They have been trained well. I expected the best, and they delivered."

He nods.

"What do you need?" Kei asks.

"Assistance from NERV for a project in my home country of Latveria," Von Gibels responds, "Unfortunately, resources are tight enough that I may have to go to other means."

Katsuhito nods, pulling over his desk chair and sitting down.

"I see," Kei says, "Well, there are several branches of NERV. If anything, appealing to the better nature of the other branches would work. Failing that, go to one not run by a Committee member."

Von Gibels smirks.

"Yes, you really are Yui's daughter," he says, and slides his arms into his coat sleeves, "Very well. Ikari, Miss Ayanami."

And with that, he sweeps past her and out into the hallway, the slamming of the lift door marking his exit.

* * *

...

* * *

Following a return to consciousness, he extended his AT Field, turning it to the shape of a cocoon to take him back towards land. He floated to Tokyo-3. It made sense, after all. The things that drew him back to waking were located there, after all.

The young Nephilim, a young man with ash silver hair and violet eyes, born of the laboratory made union between Man and Ramiel, walked upon the shore of the beach outside of Tokyo-3.

And then was promptly knocked unconscious by a large claw to the back of the head.

He stirs, sitting up on a futon mat, looking around to find himself in a large room, lined with eight tubes filled with LCL, monitors clicking and green numbers ticking over them. Standing up, he finds himself clothed in a white shirt and black slacks with a purple undershirt, and blinks, looking up to find a large crab like creature with laser whips coming out of its back staring at him.

"Great work, Mr. Snips!"

The Shamselim hops back and forth on its long, stabby legs, snapping its claws above it before backing away, and the nephilim sees his captors. Six girls, each with varied shades of blue hair, each in identical school uniforms.

"Hi there," Kiko says, "Mr. Snips found you, and he brought you back! I think he likes you in a prison sort of way!"

The young man blinks.

"Yeah, we had to hose him off," Siyon says, "So, your name's Mark. We think it fits. We're going to call you Mark the Ramielim Nephilim!"

He nods.

"Oh. Well, that sounds right," he says, and scratches his head, "And you are?"

"We're the Ree," Kiko squeals, hands folded at her waist, "And you're going to be our new friend because you tried to blast our big sister Mari!"

"Our Special Friend," Hatchi adds.

"So we're gonna be such good friends!" Kiko squeals, "Yay! We have a new friend! We're gonna stay up late and talk and talk and make waffles and you better be straight because then we're gonna talk about girls and do each others hair and-"

"Kiko," Siyon admonishes, "Special Friend. Not Bestest Best Friend."

Kiko sighs, almost visibly deflating.

"Oh," she says, "I wanted a proper friend. _Anyway-_"

She squeals, clapping her hands together.

"You're our new _Special Friend!_" Kiko squees, "So you gonna get Reiped and Kikoped and Zyuuped and Hattacked and Iti'ed up and Passed Through the Digestive Track and Siyonally Harrassed and Nanally Violated and if she gets back from Germany in time, you're gonna get Keilled!"

Mark blinks, followed by another 'Yay!' from Kiko. He steps back, turns, and fires a blast from his eyes, blowing open a portion of the wall and running out.

"Yay!" Kiko cheers, "I've got this one!"

And with that, she ascends into the ventilation duct.

* * *

...

* * *

Mark found that, if powered by enough fear, he could outright teleport. Fear is a strong point right now. He saw the look in their eyes. He saw the raw anger about to be unleashed. On the other hand, they were _hot,_ so he's kind of confused about whether or not he should be afraid for his life or incredibly aroused.

No one gives him a second glance as he runs through the hallways, running as if the hounds of Hell are nipping at his heels, pushing past working NERV employees as he runs down the hallway with signs leading towards the exit.

Which, he finds, has been blocked off, boarded up, and then bricks lain in front of the board.

"Oh no," he whispers.

He looks up. The hallway is wider, ventilation ducts lining the circular roof.

"Oh no!"

In fact, ventilation ducts are everywhere. On the floor at his feet, on the walls at eye level, on the ceilings, and built into the brick wall.

"Oh No!"

Which is when the door to his right opens.

"_Oh Yeah!"_ Kiko squeals, and tackles him, before popping open a duct and dragging the screaming Mark in.

At the other end of the hallway, Misato Katsuragi and Shinji Ikari watch the proceedings.

"Isn't he the guy who tried to blast Mari at the beach?" Shinji asks.

Misato nods, sipping her canned coffee.

"Yep," she responds, "I feel _no_ sympathy towards him whatsoever."

* * *

...

* * *

"I think it's a stupid idea. To paraphrase one of our past guests, it is a stupid idea that is made of pure stupid, wrapped in stupid and then painted with melted stupid to give it an extra stupid flavor."

Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu is no stranger to bluntness. This bluntness is both a gift and a curse, however. It is a gift in that her bluntness means that she is honest and forthcoming on her projects as one of the heads of Project E. It is a curse in that it, and her abhorrent treatment of her daughter for most of her life, got her suspended upside down in the Room of Gauf shortly before the attack of the angel Iruel.

Still, she is one of the few people who are willing to talk as such to Yui Ikari, so the brown haired mother of ten folds her hands and waits as the red haired comrade continues pacing in front of Yui's desk, stopping in mid rant to correct the blueprints framed on the wall of Unit-01's core.

"I'm not saying to have her move in with me, Gendo, and the girls," Yui says, "I'm saying we should give the Ree access to her. The Ree have been an end line safeguard against Lilith in the past should the main Lilith get free, and it would do well for the girls to be able to interact with the Lilith _jouten._"

"What?"

"_Jouten._ It means a split off of a greater entity. As far as we can tell, Little Lilith is basically a fragment of the greater Lilith whole, much like the Angels are budded off portions of ADAM which have their own determining factors."

"Right. Where?"

"Sheol. We're not taking her out of her room, just installing an LCL immersion tube. I'm suggesting we put Little Lilith in MAGI-00 and have the girls interact with her there along with others. Disconnect MAGI-00 from the rest so Naok00 can focus on running the systems with Narrator and keep everything monitored."

* * *

...

* * *

Deep within Sheol, deep beneath the Eva Graveyard, there is a single person cell in which nothing is used. There is no bars, and the lock on the door is electronic. It is a comfortable cell, with a plush carpet, a memory foam bed, a desk with a computer with an internet connection and a private bathroom where the walls turn opaque with the press of a button.

She never uses any of it. Instead, she simply sits, and waits.

She is Lilith. Or at least, she is a part of Lilith, incarnate in the form of a 14 year old girl with marble white skin and white hair and pure red eyes, and who after two weeks finally put on the blouse and skirt they keep leaving for her, making everyone involved significantly more comfortable.

This is especially true with the workers installing the large clear cylinder on the right wall, hooked up to the computer as it fills with yellow fluid. She waits, watching them leave, before she approaches the tube.

* * *

...

* * *

_Accessing MAGI-00/REETRIX_

_ Accessing environment INNSMOUTH .env_

_ Loading..._

She appears, barefoot, on the rocks lining the cliffsides over the beach. Before here there is a small town, silent and quaint, the low roofs and cobblestone streets in stark contrast to the Evangelion-scale monster of sickly green and large bat wings hovering over it, its mouth tendrils waving in silent supplication as it sits on one of the rocks, head bowed, overshadowing six girls as the other participant in the simulation continues lecturing them.

She approaches, and waits silently, hearing the phrases "collateral damage," "program bleed," and "there is such a thing as too much tentacle."

"Ah, hello, Lilith," Yui says, turning from the girls as all six brighten up, and Cthulu digitizes and disappears, "I was just talking to the girls about what they are not allowed to do in the programs with you. You do know the girls, yes?"

"We have met," Lilith responds, "Doctor Ikari."

Yui nods, and walks next to her, as the girls hop to their feet and stand in age order.

"Girls," she says, "Lilith is being given access to MAGI-00 so she can interact with you and other NERV staff. However, you aren't allowed to enter her cell. You are not allowed to 'visit' her outside of interacting with her in the MAGI."

"Can we-"

"And Hatchi, you are certainly not allowed to bring her topside so she can join you in fighting crime," Yui says, narrowing her eyes slightly, her voice taking on the tone that suggests 'Serious Business' that causes the six Ree to straighten up, "And any girls that do attempt to liberate Miss Lilith from the MAGI or from Sheol will be given a very long detention in Sheol. Are we clear?"

Six quick agreements from the girls, as Yui clears her throat and folds her arms.

"Now, I'll let you get acquainted. Maya will be monitoring this MAGI, so no funny business. I have a call to take."

* * *

...

* * *

Easing the VR interface from her head, Yui picks up the phone, smiling as she leans back in her desk chair.

"Victor! Well, this is a surprise. What can I do for you...eva technology? Why do you need Eva technology..."

She screws her face, nodding.

"I see. That scale a project...and I think I have an idea which you might like..."

* * *

...

* * *

Mark has quickly been restrained and tied up, hanging upside down inside an LCL filled tube for all to see by the time Mari Illustrious Makinami, sixteen year old girl and current host of the power of the Angel Ramiel, arrived in the Sheol based 'Ree Cave,' as it has come to be called. Staring at the suspended, restrained, and most likely traumatized Nephilim that has become a prisoner of the girls, Mari clicks her heels together and gives him a small wave.

"Oh girls?"

The projectors built into the ceiling come to life, forming into six gigantic Ayanami heads.

"_HI, MARI!"_

"Dr. Ikari asked me to check up on you," Mari says, folding her hands under her bust, "And I see you have a new guest. Are you doing anything untowards with this young man?"

"_He's our new Special Friend!_" Kiko squeals, "_We're gonna make sure he doesn't try to hurt you anymore!_"

"How so?"

"_WITH STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!_" the six girls squeal.

Mari sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. It is not that she doesn't like having the girls around, goodness knows. In fact, one of the best things about her coming to Tokyo-3, dying, and returning has been the fact that she's developed the role of the Cool Big Sis to not only her own sister but the Ree as well.

"Well, okay then," she sighs, "Rei's busy with drills for the next week, so Dr. Ikari asked me to ride herd on you girls."

The six girls squee, as Mari adjusts her glasses and cracks her knuckles.

"So, seeing as unlike the other adults around here, I know better than trying to keep you girls on the straight and narrow," she says, "Let's get me a costume and let's _ride._"


End file.
